OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
