Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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