so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize