Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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