i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize