Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
