idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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