There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
