oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My bed smells like the plague
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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