everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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