Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
