apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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