do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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