dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
