Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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