when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize