Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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