cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize