Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
