Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
