did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
