Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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