Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
