Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize