Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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