apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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