I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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