Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
