so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
