Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
