You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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