On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
