today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
