I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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