I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize