Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
