he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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