Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
wanna go halves on a baby?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
