So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
