Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
