these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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