He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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