I bet he comes in French.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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