Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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