so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize