Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
