The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
