we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
