If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
