I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
