It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
