If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
