I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
false alarm. still invincible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
