Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
