I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My ATM looks so different sober.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
