You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
