One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
