i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
