dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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