i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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