if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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