Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
