I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
