Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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